“Free Bird”
from The Diamond Trilogy
Copyright 2021 by Jewel Diamond
Listen to this story, “Kites” (Music, “Free Bird,” by Lynyrd Skynyrd)
Summary:
From the very first day they had spent together, just after Jewel and her husband had separated, she and Janelle had felt a mutual blending of their souls, an unexplained feeling that they had been best friends since childhood. They never intended to fall in love….
Part I.
It was not the kind of day that Janelle would have chosen to fly her kite. But time seemed at once to stretch beyond the limits of the gray-blue sky that blended seamlessly with the restless waves as they slapped onto the wet sand and seemed to close in upon her like the fat murky clouds hanging listlessly over the endless horizon of the Pacific Ocean.
She fingered the smoothness of the rainbow windsock, lingering absentmindedly along the double-seamed edges that separated the colors. Karel, of course, had one just like it. At this very moment, Karel was in her secret hideaway cove somewhere on the Oregon coast, hundreds of miles north of Santa Cruz where Janelle was visiting for Christmas vacation. For Karel, however, the warmth of home was just six blocks away. Janelle’s home was two thousand miles east of where she stood.
Now Janelle stretched her lean, supple body upwards, hands reaching toward the sky, offering it the colorful nylon fabric. The nearly invisible kite string was wound neatly on its wooden core, which Janelle held securely in her hands. But the Goddess of the Winds was silent, refusing her gift for this moment.
The last time that the Goddess had accepted her offering was on a Galveston beach three years ago. It was then that Janelle Roark and Jewel Diamond had spent Thanksgiving vacation together—their last romantic weekend before Jewel had moved away.
“I’m moving to San Francisco in December,” Jewel had announced to Janelle earlier that summer.
The words had stung with incredible pain, even though it had not come with surprise to Janelle. For many months, she had hung on to an unlikely hope that Jewel would eventually give up on her fantasies about Robin Lind, the blonde bombshell in San Francisco whom Jewel had “found” through America Online.
Still, Janelle and Jewel had continued to spend precious weekends together, usually at Jewel’s house. Sometimes they would drive into Dallas to visit gay friends, and other times they would just share life together in Jewel’s four-bedroom suburban home that she had acquired after that godawful divorce from her children’s father.
Ah, yes, the children! Janelle loved children, of course. She was a middle-school teacher, devoting her life to education and enrichment of the little darlings, offspring of poverty-level residents in rural north central Texas. Why, Janelle often wondered, was it so difficult for Jewel to understand that she only had Tina’s best interests at heart?
Janelle and Tina, Jewel’s young teen daughter, got along just fine together when Jewel wasn’t around. They both loved shopping in thrift stores, discovering great bargains for themselves and for each other. Tina especially had a knack for finding nearly new designer clothes that affluent Dallas socialites had discarded. Like Janelle, Tina loved little trinkets, collectibles, cutesy things that filled curio shelves and dresser tops.
But life was not always so pleasant when Jewel’s attention was necessarily shared between Janelle and Tina. Like the ubiquitous washing machine that could not accommodate over one load of clothes at a time, Jewel seemed unable to please both Janelle and Tina at the same time.
The washing machine at Jewel’s house was Tina’s one point of control over Janelle and what she could do in Mom’s house. Janelle would have had to go to the laundromat if she hadn’t done her laundry at Jewel’s house on the weekends. Tina typically left clothes in both the washer and dryer and dared anyone, even her own mother, to remove them—even if they were folded and put away for her—without her “permission.” To Janelle, such behavior on Tina’s part was unreasonable and childish. Jewel became oblivious to it all, burying herself in her computer.
Still, the intimate Saturday nights together in Jewel’s bedroom, the lazy Sunday afternoons at Botanical Gardens or window shopping in Parks Mall, or occasional weekend trips to visit Jewel’s son Todd at boarding school in Oklahoma, seemed to make everything worth it. Janelle recognized Jewel’s parental obligations to her underage children. But the children would grow up—eventually—and perhaps then Janelle and Jewel could seriously consider cohabitation, instead of the usual two-day weekends.
By then, Robin Lind would have undoubtedly disappeared, given up waiting for Jewel as her old girlfriend Sharla had done shortly after Janelle had first met Jewel. Robin had a nearly grown son who had stayed back east with his father when Robin had moved to California just before the boy’s fourteenth birthday. Robin had been essentially “free” for nearly three years now. Why would she ever relinquish her precious freedom to help Jewel raise Tina?
“I’m moving to San Francisco in December.” Jewel’s words echoed again in Janelle’s mind, as she continued to stare into the foggy coastal expanse before her. Even now she remembered the overwhelming emptiness that had engulfed her. Logic would have dictated that she should back away, distance herself from the source of such intense pain that was such a source of ultimate pleasure and fulfillment. But Janelle had long since determined to follow her heart, even at the risk of certain devastation.
So when Tina announced that she was going to spend Thanksgiving vacation in San Francisco with “Auntie Robin,” Janelle had been quick to decide what she wanted to do.
“And Todd is spending Thanksgiving with his Dad?” Janelle never missed a detail.
Jewel nodded. “That way I make sure Todd spends Christmas with me!”
“Let’s go to the beach, hon.” If I don’t get this trip with Jewel now, I’ll never have another chance.
Jewel brightened at the idea of spending the time alone with Janelle. It would definitely be a “different” kind of holiday than what she had known with husband and children for the past twenty years. “Corpus? Galveston?”
Janelle already had the brochures—restaurants, boat charters, maps, and a quiet little bungalow just past the busy commercialized beach strip, but within walking distance of everything that one went to the beach for. They settled it.
A sharp gust of December wind whipped through Janelle’s short brown hair, reminding her of the lifeless kite still in her hand. Instinctively, she lifted it above her head. For a moment, the ocean’s quick breath caught the nylon cloth, whispering the kite into a spiral above her reach. Then the kite fluttered helplessly back onto the sand.
Janelle’s spirits had soared that weekend with Jewel in Galveston, even if only for a moment of life. She had refused to dwell on the reality of Jewel’s imminent departure from Texas, choosing instead to bask in the comfortable togetherness that they had shared for over two years. Even now she could hear the poignant songs of Bette Midler on her latest album that she and Jewel had listened to in bed. She could taste the authentic English fish ‘n’ chips they had ordered in while they watched a new movie, The Net, enjoying both the computer technology theme and the smooth acting of Sandra Bullock as the principal character. She could feel Jewel’s soft brown skin in the darkened bedroom, the silkiness of her long black hair, and sense the sweetness of her distinct woman-scent, alive with the pheromones that had promised unending passion.
Sunday afternoon had been the finale when Janelle and Jewel, on their way out of Galveston, had stopped at a kite shop where Janelle had chosen the very kite that she now held in her hands. Jewel was not a kite-flyer, but she shared Janelle’s enthusiasm for her sport. The Goddess had been gracious that day, taking the new kite in her breath, whisking it upwards and out over the steel-blue Gulf waters that rolled their foamy waves onto the shore. The rainbow colors danced high in the translucent sky, so high that it seemed they would swirl into the wispy cotton clouds. The kite-dance was one of joyous freedom, of celebrating its very own existence, defying all earth-forces that would have held it on the ground.
Janelle’s spirit had been alive and free for that moment. But, like the kite that eventually descended from her flight, Janelle had to face the reality of Jewel’s moving day.
“Dang it!” Janelle spoke aloud, though there was no one except a lone sea gull to hear her expletive of disgust. The ocean fog had turned into a light drizzle, settling onto the kite and into Janelle’s hair. She turned to seek shelter in a recessed area of the rocky cliff that lined this isolated section of the beach. She watched the rain for several minutes. Will I ever be able to fly this blasted kite?!
Her tears had been frequent during the first weeks of Jewel’s absence. Yes, there was e-mail and telephone, but the physical touch was missing.
“I love you,” Jewel and Janelle continued to write to each other. “You’ll always be my best girlfriend.” That part was true. Never had either woman felt the closeness of bonding that they had shared in their friendship during the past two years.
Part II.
From the very first day they had spent together, just after Jewel and her husband had separated, she and Janelle had felt a mutual blending of their souls, an unexplained feeling that they had been best friends since childhood.
They never intended to fall in love. When Janelle had first met Jewel Stone, as her name was then, Jewel was in a long-distance relationship with Sharla, another lesbian mom, who lived across the country. Sharla and her family were planning to move to Texas right after Thanksgiving, and she and Jewel would get a place together as soon as Jewel’s divorce was to be final just after the first of the year. Sharla’s two boys would live with their father—right across the street. But Tina and Tiffany, Sharla’s daughter, would live with her and Jewel.
There had been Carolyn, a policewoman in Florida, whom Jewel had never met in person. They had maintained a long-distance romance for several months online on Prodigy and by telephone. Carolyn had come very close to driving to Texas one weekend to meet Jewel, but reality had caught her at the last minute. Janelle had only known Jewel for a few weeks when Jewel and Carolyn “broke up” and Jewel spent a weekend pouring out her heart to Janelle.
Janelle was sympathetic, but not empathetic in the least. “How can you be in love with someone you’ve never even seen?” she had asked Jewel.
“I don’t know,” Jewel had answered, “I just am.” It wasn’t just the cybersex and phone sex. Carolyn and Jewel had reached into a part of each other’s souls like no one else could have done. But real-life being together would not be feasible—kids, jobs, everything.
Soon after that, Sharla had decided she could no longer deal with Jewel’s ambivalence. Her own commitment to her children and their father was nothing like Jewel’s best friendship with Janelle! Sharla and Jewel had spent Christmas together, had made love for the last time on New Year’s Eve, and then Sharla had disappeared from Jewel’s life.
Once Jewel had “gotten over” Carolyn and Sharla, her relationship with Janelle had taken flight, sometimes soaring, sometimes bumping over rough spots. Living together, however, was never an option, given the atrocities of Jewel’s divorce, complicated by the battles over community property and mortgaged houses and the children. Anyway, Janelle’s job was 35 miles away from where Jewel lived.
But the weekends were a haven for them both. Until Robin Lind had come along. How can I give up Jewel to her?!? She has no right, after being out of Jewel’s life for 26 years, to intrude like this. But Robin had a definite edge that Janelle couldn’t compete with. She was in a business partnership with Michael Diamond, Jewel’s first ex-husband. Jewel and Michael had been college sweethearts, long before either of them had known about—or admitted to—their being gay. They were genuine best friends, and had inevitably married, beginning their life together as high school music teachers.
Robin had been a student secretary to Mr. Diamond one year, but had lost touch with him until a few years ago. Robin had married, had children, had divorced. Through persistence and ingenuity, she had found Michael Diamond where he had been living in San Francisco since his divorce from Jewel. Robin had moved to San Francisco, had gone into business with Michael, and then had come out as a lesbian.
But Jewel and Michael had never stopped loving each other over the twenty years that they had had no contact. They still shared the deep spiritual bonding, the unspoken understanding, the brother-sister love that drew them together again, now that Jewel, too, had finally come out.
“This is so cool!” Janelle had exclaimed when Jewel told her about finding Michael again. How could she have had any inkling that Michael’s former high school student and now-lesbian business partner would be any threat to Janelle’s relationship with Jewel?
“I have to see him again.” Jewel’s chocolate-brown eyes reached deep into Janelle’s soul, as they always did.
“Of course you do.” Janelle had understood. At least she thought she had. And she had even driven Jewel to the airport that fateful September weekend for her reunion with Michael Diamond—and partner Robin Lind—in San Francisco.
A sudden clap of thunder ripped across the angry gray Santa Cruz sky, jolting Janelle into conscious awareness of her dripping hair. Dang it!, she thought again, roughly brushing back the short strands that dropped rainwater onto her cheeks.
The days and weeks that blended together after Jewel’s return from San Francisco—and Robin Lind’s bed—had been an unreal mixture of pain and passion, of denial and desire and desperation. Jewel had just accepted a one-year contract at Microsoft in Dallas, meaning she would not uproot immediately and move to San Francisco. Perhaps I still have a chance. Surely Robin Lind will not wait around an entire year.
But not quite a year had passed before Tina had decided that San Francisco would be a cool place to live. She had gotten to know “Uncle Michael” and “Auntie Robin” after their Christmas visit to Texas, and Tina had grown to love them both. Oh, but Jewel will never leave Texas while Todd is still here. He’s just a freshman in college. How could she ever bear to be apart from him, her firstborn, who is so much like her, his brilliant mother?
But right after that Thanksgiving—after Jewel and Janelle’s trip to Galveston and Tina’s return from her trip to San Francisco—Jewel announced that moving plans were a reality. Todd had been just as surprised as Janelle, and she had felt a sudden oneness with him, sharing his helpless resignation.
And then Jewel and Tina were gone. That was three years ago now. Janelle had not felt the Goddess of the Winds on her face for a very long time. She was only vaguely aware of the streaks of sunlight that danced now behind the thinning billows above her.
“I love you, Janelle.” Across the vast expanse of cyberspace the words came, not from Jewel but from Karel, who had appeared from virtually nowhere. Now she was everywhere—in Janelle’s email, her AOL Instant Messages, and most recently, her telephone. “I love kites… I love John Denver… I love you.”
It was not the first time that Janelle had heard “I love you” from another woman besides Jewel. Last year there had been Dana Jordan, two thousand miles away on the East coast. But she, too, was omnipresent in Janelle’s computer through the magic of the internet. Then Janelle had flown to D.C., and Dana had traveled to Texas. They had raced across the hot beach sand of the Gulf coast, and had scampered along the Atlantic seaboard, kites in hand. But the Goddess of the Winds had been silent.
Dana was not easily dissuaded. “I love you, Janelle,” she emailed again and again.
“I love you, too, Dana,” Janelle would reply, “but, well, our kites are just never going to take flight.”
A sudden warm gust startled Janelle now, as the full morning sun broke free of its cloud-cage, tossing sparkles onto the clear blue waves that lapped the Pacific coastline. For the first time since Jewel had come into her life, Janelle understood perfectly how Jewel could have loved three women at the same time. It wasn’t stupid at all!
Janelle’s email and online chats with Dana were long and intimate, just as Jewel’s had been with Carolyn. There was a sense of adventure and romance, but reality was elusive.
Jewel will always be my best friend. Our minds and hearts have touched with eternal permanence. But her everyday life is committed to others—to Tina and Todd, and now to Robin and Michael—just as Sharla’s primary commitment was to her children and to their father.
“How can you be in love with someone you’ve never even seen?” Janelle had asked Karel in their online chats and telephone conversations.
“I don’t know,” Karel had answered, “I just am. I’m in love with you.” It wasn’t just the cybersex and phone sex. Janelle and Karel had reached into a part of each other’s souls…
The Goddess of the Winds smiled, effortlessly lifting Janelle’s rainbow kite high with her invisible breath. Janelle turned, catching her own breath to see her kite dancing, turning, leaping joyously, sailing smoothly far out over the cerulean sea. It was confined to earth only by Janelle’s kite string, knowing no other boundaries or limits to its flight. And, at the very same moment, in a secret hideaway cove somewhere on the Oregon coast, Karel’s identical rainbow kite soared in identical flight.
Part III. Twenty-some Years Later:
Jewel and Robin are married, living in San Francisco East Bay, and visit frequently with Tina, now a preschool teacher, married, and living with her doctor husband and their only son. Todd, a network security guru, is married to a successful author of dark mystery novels, still living in Texas with their own two sons. Michael Diamond and his husband Leonard Starr have left San Francisco and live in a small northern California town.
Janelle and Karel are married, living in a romantic bungalow on the Oregon Coast, and continuing to fly their identical kites, smiled on daily by the Goddess of the Winds.