Author: Lady J (Page 2 of 5)

To Lisa

August 27, 1998 / Lady J

“Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”

This is a poem to Lisa, my daughter,
baby girl born so perfectly
19 years ago.

Colicky shrieking in the night,
so much that I wept with you,
and you clung to me
  forever, it seemed.

But I didn't mind,
carrying you everywhere
so you wouldn't run off
under the clothes racks at JCPenney's,
  scattering shirts across worn carpet.

You didn't fit Dr. Spock's mold;
I tried to make you acquiesce to
  what-is-right-and-proper.
Still, you did things your own way--
yellow Crayola pictures, 
re-choreographing the kindergarten ballet.

And I allowed you to become yourself:
vegetarian, artist, green lipstick.

But I couldn't protect you at age 14,
so I blamed myself for your pubescent 
  agonies,
until I saw the immutable strength
  within you, 
wisdom beyond your tears,
because you grew free--
as all children must--
always with deathless love bonding
my heart to yours eternally,
baby girl, all grown up,
my Lisa, my daughter.

--8/27/98

Corporate Haiku

January 2, 1998 / Lady J

Unemployment down,
Economy all-time high;
I don’t have a job.

I’ve worked thirty years;
I have much experience,
But no resume.

Interviews go well;
They are impressed with my skills.
No jobs are offered.

I know computers;
I can manage an office.
Over-qualified.
   
Full-time position:
Can you start work tomorrow?
It’s minimum wage.
   
We are both the same,
The migrant and consultant;
I have a contract.
   
I design websites,
I program Access Basic;
No one wants to pay.
   
I am home today.
No one tells me when to work;
I just don’t get paid.
   
No car payment now;
I have no bills due this month.
I sleep in the streets.

--1/2/1998

Every day that passes

October 19, 1995 / Lady J

Every day that passes
brings us closer together,
closer to the time
when we can be together.
And the more we get to know
   each other,
the more at ease and
comfortable we grow to be,
the more exciting it is
to be with each other.
The more we grow to love
   each other,
the more love we discover
is deep within each other.
Every time we kiss,
it feels more natural
   than ever,
yet more sparks ignite
than ever before.
   
With every day that passes,
we are more a part of each other
than I ever dreamed possible.

--10/19/95

Microsoft

June 24, 1994 / Lady J

Microsoft!
is it just another
elusive dream?
an irresistible challenge
a safe haven
a place where I could grow
into all that I am
and was ever meant to be
so seemingly impossible
so incessantly driven
that I cannot settle
for any less
only God can open the door
but I am waiting patiently
just outside
   
--6/24/94

Microsoft!
No longer just
an elusive dream,
but on the verge
of reality,
as I walk through
the doors that
God has opened.
Awestruck,
incredulous,
and immensely
grateful.
   
--11/15/94

Love Phantom

February 14, 1994 / Lady J

I am your love phantom,
        your elusive dream,
                your Zhivago. 
 
I am the woman you've wanted all your life,
but never really believed she existed.

And then one day,
        I walked into your life,
        and it felt like you had known me forever.
        
But you were quite unprepared
        for loving me,
        knowing full well
                there was someone else
                who loved me, too.
                
Still, you allowed your heart
        to fly free,
        to open to me
                to take me in.
                
You fell madly and hopelessly in love with me,
        couldn't help it,
        never intended to,
        feeling that no one else could ever,
                in a thousand lifetimes,
        be as warm and wonderful
        as me.
        
Now you see me torn,
        my heart split in two,
        loving her,
                and loving you, too.
Still, you hope beyond hope,
        that someday,
                somehow,
        I will be yours alone.
        
How, or when, or even if,
        matters not,
        you're willing to share me
                with her,
        as long as you have to,
        though you don't want to,
                but you will.
                For now.
                
You are obsessed,
        possessed,
        driven by fierce desire,
                a fire
                that glows,
                persistent, unquenchable.

And so, you wait,
even if it takes a lifetime,
for the dream to become reality.

--2/14/94

Arrival

June 18, 1993 / Lady J

“Morning Has Broken”

I am waiting for her arrival
with sweaty palms
and head pounding
anticipation intensifying with every minute
mingled with desperate fear
   
What if...
something happened to the plane?
And the board flashes
FLIGHT 69 CANCELLED DUE TO...
   
What if...
I'm at the wrong gate,
or in the wrong terminal building?
And she's waiting on the other side
of the airport
and gives up on me!
   
What if... what if...
but I'm jolted to reality--
a plane is landing!
taxiing down the runway
to THIS gate
An eternity passes before people appear,
a sea of heads, unfamiliar faces,
I strain to see,
nothing, no one that matches
the image of her beauty etched in my mind--
What if she changed her plans?
And they page me to the phone
and I hear her say, trembling,
in a faraway voice,
"I just can't do this--"
I feel faint...
   
Suddenly,
as if in an elusive dream,
I see HER!
Our eyes meet, and
electricity sparks across the crowded room,
my heart skips a beat,
my ears are ringing,
Her smile,
more wonderful than I ever imagined,
draws us together
effortlessly--
She is HERE!
 
I struggle to catch my breath
Now we melt into each other's arms
and for a wild moment
the world stands still
Her touch, the feel of her warm, soft body
pressed close against my own,
even if for only a moment in the crowd
is ecstasy beyond belief!
A glorious long weekend lies ahead--
my mind is spinning
lips quiver
words frozen in midair
("Let's get the luggage.")
   
She squeezes my hand,
warmth surges through me
We are together
--at last!

--6/18/93

Newsweek, June 21, 1993

Elusive Dream

June 6, 1993 / Lady J

Love is
an elusive dream
that will never happen
to me.

I have loved
and I have been loved
by never by the same person
at the same time.

I am loved only
for what I can be
or do,
not for just
who I am. 

Perhaps I do not need
to be loved
at all.
 
--6/6/93

I would rather dream

June 1, 1993 / Lady J

Thinking of you
makes me smile
inside.

Dreaming of you
makes me melt
with a strange warmth
that surges through every corner
of my mind
and body.

Until cold Reality
slaps my face,
pushing me back into a world
I am reluctant to leave,
but know I cannot stay.

For this moment,
I would rather think
...and dream.

--6/93

And thus the season ends

April 24, 1993 / Lady J

We have come full circle in our friendship, 
from being just good friends 
to being just good friends. 
But in-between  
	 there has been a whole world of feelings, 
    from soaring ecstasy to indescribable pain 
    and overwhelming frustration 
    		for both of us. 

It hasn’t been easy, has it? 

And it probably isn’t quite over yet 
	but it will be soon. 
I will never forget you, 
	never stop loving you, 
    		only now it is in a different way. 
    
At least, we are friends. 

And thus, the season ends.

--4/24/93

i should have known better

February 20, 1993 / Lady J

I should have known better--
it was too good to be true,
too wonderful to last,
too special to be real.
Worse than a beautiful dream,
it was only a taste of incredible ecstasy,
a brief moment of reality
just enough to spoil me,
before it vanished into eternity.
Now I am shattered,
torn into a million pieces,
spilling hot tears
and trembling in silence,
as relentless pain overwhelms me.
Still, I must pretend,
smile and say everything's okay
when nothing is--
no one else can ever know--
but only for me to wonder, deep inside,
what love really is. 

--2/20/93