Category: A Special Season

“Morning Has Broken”

00:00

00:00

I am waiting for her arrival
with sweaty palms
and head pounding
anticipation intensifying with every minute
mingled with desperate fear
   
What if...
something happened to the plane?
And the board flashes
FLIGHT 69 CANCELLED DUE TO...
   
What if...
I'm at the wrong gate,
or in the wrong terminal building?
And she's waiting on the other side
of the airport
and gives up on me!
   
What if... what if...
but I'm jolted to reality--
a plane is landing!
taxiing down the runway
to THIS gate
An eternity passes before people appear,
a sea of heads, unfamiliar faces,
I strain to see,
nothing, no one that matches
the image of her beauty etched in my mind--
What if she changed her plans?
And they page me to the phone
and I hear her say, trembling,
in a faraway voice,
"I just can't do this--"
I feel faint...
   
Suddenly,
as if in an elusive dream,
I see HER!
Our eyes meet, and
electricity sparks across the crowded room,
my heart skips a beat,
my ears are ringing,
Her smile,
more wonderful than I ever imagined,
draws us together
effortlessly--
She is HERE!
 
I struggle to catch my breath
Now we melt into each other's arms
and for a wild moment
the world stands still
Her touch, the feel of her warm, soft body
pressed close against my own,
even if for only a moment in the crowd
is ecstasy beyond belief!
A glorious long weekend lies ahead--
my mind is spinning
lips quiver
words frozen in midair
("Let's get the luggage.")
   
She squeezes my hand,
warmth surges through me
We are together
--at last!

--6/18/93

Newsweek, June 21, 1993

We have come full circle in our friendship, 
from being just good friends 
to being just good friends. 
But in-between  
	 there has been a whole world of feelings, 
    from soaring ecstasy to indescribable pain 
    and overwhelming frustration 
    		for both of us. 

It hasn’t been easy, has it? 

And it probably isn’t quite over yet 
	but it will be soon. 
I will never forget you, 
	never stop loving you, 
    		only now it is in a different way. 
    
At least, we are friends. 

And thus, the season ends.

--4/24/93

I should have known better--
it was too good to be true,
too wonderful to last,
too special to be real.
Worse than a beautiful dream,
it was only a taste of incredible ecstasy,
a brief moment of reality
just enough to spoil me,
before it vanished into eternity.
Now I am shattered,
torn into a million pieces,
spilling hot tears
and trembling in silence,
as relentless pain overwhelms me.
Still, I must pretend,
smile and say everything's okay
when nothing is--
no one else can ever know--
but only for me to wonder, deep inside,
what love really is. 

--2/20/93

My world is crumbling...

My comfortable security of yesterday
    has become an elusive dream,
And dreaded nightmares
    are becoming realities.
    
For a brief moment of life
    I broke from my bubble
    and dared to let myself love,
        risking the inevitable pain
that now has overwhelmed me,
    that stings sharper than I ever imagined.
    
A deep sadness has engulfed me,
    like a thick fog,
    rolling in from the sea,
blending the gray sky with angry waves,
like the floods of hot tears,
           relentless in their fury,
    coming unwelcomed day and night.
    
I will rebuild the walls
    higher and thicker,
    where hurt cannot penetrate,
        where I cannot feel,
Only pretend,
Outside where they see me,
    is my shell.
But inside I shall be safe,
    and forever and completely
    alone.

--1/18/93

Don't you know?
Can't you tell
			how I feel about you?
No, I guess not,
	not really.
But don't you even have an inkling?
I've tried to tell you in so many ways
Without sounding gushy,
Or risk having you misunderstand
			how I feel about you.

At first, you were just another face,
		a gorgeous alto voice,
	with a warn and slightly southern drawl,
	and your humor (though I loved it)
	seemed almost sacrilegious
	until I came to know how truly genuine
						you really are.
But when we had to work together,
To make music together,
To talk face to face,
And you were the "boss"--
	I was scared and fascinated at the same time,
	but much impressed with your good taste.
Did you know then, that was
			how I felt about you? 
                
I wish so much that you were my best friend
(but you already have a fantastic best friend).
There are many days I'd like to talk to you,
		just to chat, to get to know you,
	but very rarely get a chance
    and when I have a chance, I'm too shy
    			to relax and be friendly.
In spite of our difference in personality,
	I'm drawn to you,
Whether or not
The feeling is mutual.
	I respect and admire you,
    I stand in awe of you,
Though I know you are only human, like me.
And that's
			how I feel about you.
                
Today you were magnificent,
	and the music
    was beauty beyond words.
I see a spark of God's love in you,
	more as time passes,
    from your drive for excellence
    to your womanly thoughtfulness of others.
Maybe
We aren't so different 
After all.

How can I tell you
			how I feel about you?
                
--4/19/87