Depression Group #9

Prologue (April 16, 2019)

We were robbed on Tuesday while at South Shore Shopping Center. The thief was a young punk, a black male wearing a hoodie. So that has triggered my bias against Millennials and Young Black Males Wearing Hoodies. He apparently spotted my wallet sticking out of my tote bag that was in Linda’s scooter basket so he pushed against me, which distracted Linda, just long enough for him to grab the wallet and run. That was when we were on our way to Trader Joe’s, and we didn’t know the wallet was missing until we were checking out with a hundred dollars worth of groceries!

Linda and I both, as well as one of the Trader Joe’s employees, searched through the store several times to look for the wallet. It was my brand new light purple wallet that we bought at Marshall’s after spending at least a half hour looking at wallets, trying to determine which one had the best features. Fortunately, Linda had her VISA card and so we used it to buy the groceries.

As soon as we got back into the van and put the groceries in, I got out my phone and saw a text from USAA which was a fraud alert that someone had tried to make a $530 purchase at the Alameda Target with my USAA Signature VISA! I immediately texted back NO and then I saw a voicemail from USAA when they had tried to call me before texting me. So I called them and reiterated my “NO”!

Linda drove directly to the Bank of America branch in South Shore and I went in and talked to a “specialist” in her office. My main concern was my debit card and the BofA VISA card. I didn’t even think about the checks that were in the stolen wallet.

April 17-18, 2019

I started making phone calls and going online to all the rest of my card providers–Discover, Shell, Talbot’s, Macy’s American Express, Target RED card. The little shit had also attempted to use my BofA VISA and my Discover card at Target!

I also remembered that I had $102 in currency and several dollars in change in the wallet. Plus gift cards–an AMC movie theater gift card, a $25 Olive Garden gift card, and some Target gift cards. More important was my Kaiser ID card. Least important were the store rewards cards: Walgreen’s, Safeway, and Raley’s.

But the most important task now was to close the checking account and open a new checking account with a different number, which I was able to do online. I was also able to order a replacement BofA VISA card–with a new number–online. But all of these replacements will take from 2 days to 6 weeks to get!

Next after the new checking account–which will also require a new temporary debit card–will be applying for a replacement driver’s license. I made plans to go back into the Alameda Bank of America branch on Friday and go to the Oakland Claremont DMV on Saturday.

I have also made the decision to fast, starting after 1 p.m. on Tuesday when we had brunch at Wescafe, for a undetermined length of time. Because fasting seems to sharpen my mental facilities. I’m on Day 4, the longest I’ve ever fasted.

Thursday, April 18, 2019, 5:30-7:30 p.m.

Today is the last depression group session. I wanted to get there a few minutes early in case I had any trouble checking in without a Kaiser ID card and a picture ID (driver’s license). I didn’t. I gave the receptionist my Kaiser number and he asked me to verify my birthdate and my address. No problem.

When we checked in and asked to answer, “How are you feeling today?” my response was, “Violated, helpless, and hopeless.” That elicited a groan (as I expected), so I just said, “I can tell you the details later.”

I couldn’t remember what my commitment was so Lisa reminded me it was to complete a scenario (real-life or made-up) to illustrate the “D.E.S.C.” model that we discussed last week. Oh, yeah! I had done it in my head, so I think I could reconstruct it.

Tonight there are 7 people–4 men and 3 women. Quite a drop from the 30 people who showed up for the first session on January 31. That seems so long ago now.

Lisa started with the relaxation exercise before the check-in, then she went to the discussion. The first was a review of “D.E.S.C”–Describe what happened, Express your feelings about it, Specify what could be done to change the situation, and C for consequences of what would or could happen if there is not a change.

Now I could elaborate on my homework commitment (based on real-life but with the narrative I added):

• Describe – “Only two out of 13 board members have submitted their quarterly board reports.”
• Express – The vice-president said, “When I don’t get all the board reports in advance, I’m frustrated because I can’t prepare a meaningful meeting agenda.”
• Specify a Solution – “Upload your reports to the Kinship Google drive one week in advance of the board meeting.”
• Consequences – From the vice-president: “If you don’t submit a report, I will contact you personally!” However, the vice-president also said he would help you figure out how to do this if you are having difficulties.

Lisa thought it was pretty good!

She continued with the rest of this section on Healthy Personal Relationships, including:

• Mistaken Assumptions vs. Legitimate Rights
• Communication Behaviors, negative and positive
• Social Support – identifying persons by name who support us in a list of areas
• Healthy and Unhealthy Boundaries

The final activity was a review of all that we’ve learned in this group, including:

• Thoughts, Feelings, Behavior (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)
• Triggers for depression
• Core beliefs, many from experiences early in life
  • Catch it, check it, change it
  • Restructuring
• Gratitude Journal
• Sleep
• Nutrition
  • Gut biome
• Behavioral activation
• Deep breathing, relaxation, guided meditation
• De-fusion techniques – metaphors
• ACT (Acceptance and commitment therapy)
• Mindfulness
• Value-centered life (“happiness” trap)
• Thought log
• Assertiveness (use of “I” statements)
• D.E.S.C.
• Mistaken belief
• Negative/positive communication patterns
• Boundaries
• Suffering = pain + non-acceptance of pain

Ways to continue depression therapy:

• Save these materials for reference
• Keep a calendar (days or weeks to practice techniques learned)
• Put reminders in your phone
• Attend another group (stress, insomnia, mindfulness)
• Read a book
• Teach someone else
• HabitBull app for accountability

It was still almost light when I left Building A for the last time in the foreseeable future. Linda had taken a picture of Emily and posted it on Facebook. We chatted easily on the way home. It was a nice–and necessary–diversion from the saga of the stolen wallet. But it’s far from over. I feel strongly that I should ask Dr. Prabaharan for a referral to a therapist. There are several psychologists who are accepting new patients at the San Leandro Kaiser facility. I still feel some shame that I would even need this kind of “help.” I’ve always been a strong, active woman, a leader of groups of children and other adults. Why now? Why, when I have clearly reached my Golden Years, why am I falling apart like this?

But I’m still fasting.