“Love for Three Oranges” (Prokofiev)

By Rainbow Bright

Call me a drama-queen or a hopeless romantic—I won’t mind because I embrace myself for who I am. But acceptance of oneself hasn’t been that easy for me, especially when the acidic reality of me being a lesbian has given me so many heartburns.

I can’t say with much conviction that I knew about my attraction to women from early childhood because it was quite the opposite. Yes, I’d been a tomboy—I loved to wear shorts, play rough games…but I had “boyfriends.” My childhood best friend can attest to the fact that not only did I have tons of boy-crushes but also, I was even the aggressor (would write love-letters). I prided myself that I could get whoever I wanted. Of course, the thrill of making a guy like me wore off.

In high-school, I still had my top 5 guy crushes, but due to circumstance and a drastic change from being home schooled I became extremely introverted. From then on until my first year in college, I was certain that I was straight (not knowing there was anything else but that). Besides, all I knew about gay people—which was mainly men—was that they act like women and that they’re prevalent as beauticians and that my brother was teased since he’s effeminate. Being gay was because people talked and walked a certain way. In short, being gay spelled disdain, derision, and great disappointment. It was just unacceptable. I knew I didn’t want my younger brother to be gay or even be teased like my elder brother, and so I made it a point to play basketball, marbles, and karate with him.

So, I was just going through college like all the rest. Trying to figure out my purpose in life… and having been brought up with the fear of the Lord, my values were clear to me—family and friends were very important…

THEN love came unexpectedly…thus started the story of my first love. My Sunkist. We had such an ideal friendship. There was genuine concern, and we simply enjoyed being together. We loved each other. But when homosexuality lurked around us we weren’t able to cope with the painful reality. She flung herself to the guy who’s been courting her since high school.

It took me years to love again. But why did I have to fall in love with a woman again this second time around? Oh, but I didn’t have to worry that much because she was already with someone. This time I held on to friendship, at whatever cost. Looking back, I knew everything was wrong from the start. Her track record spelled infidelity. She fell in and out of love too easily. Ah, but she was my ponkan. Very sweet…

If my first love was more of an intellectual attraction, then this time it was very emotional. So, the next that I ventured into was someone I’d been physically attracted to. My “dalanghita.” She could be sweet, but she gave me a sour ending. She knew how much I loved my ponkan, despite all the heartache.

That’s the story of my “love for three oranges” that I brought here in America. Wasn’t that a very colorful life? I don’t even like the color orange. That was my mistake. Had I known I’d like her…I guess I knew I was bound to like her but I knew she wasn’t my type. I thought I told her soon…but it wasn’t soon enough. My tangerine?

Rainbow Bright is a young Filipino woman, college student, scholar, and independent thinker.