“Somewhere in Time”

By Vickie Shelton

MEETING AND DISCOVERY

Although neither of us remember exactly when we met in the mid-’60s as students at an Adventist college. We lived separately in the women’s dormitory and had separate circles of friends. For the first year or two, we knew each other only in passing. In the spring of 1967, Emy Lou asked me to room with her during her senior year. I had a year plus a semester remaining. Knowing her to be a gentle, fun-loving person with a truly marvelous wit, and because I’d not made other plans, I agreed. It was a wise choice!

In the fall of 1967 (we cite August 26 as the date), we moved into overflow apartments where upper-class women were to live. It was a lovely setting with a living room, kitchen, bedroom (twin beds), and a bath. We studied and conducted our college business pretty much independently through the first semester. Christmas break took us separate ways—she went home, and I visited another friend at an Adventist academy nearby.

After returning from vacation, we realized how immensely glad we were to be together again. Probably right then, but no later than during the first several days of 1968, we knew our love and friendship was special; and it has remained so to us every day since. The intimacy we have been fortunate to share on all levels—emotional, physical, spiritual—during our lives together makes us profoundly grateful. It is a gift we covet for every one of our friends.

ACCEPTANCE/COMING OUT

From the beginning, we knew we’d have to reconcile church teachings with our lives and relationship. Celibacy was never a long-term option for us. We knew our lives together and our expression of love was a beautiful thing for us, but we also knew others might see it differently if we were to disclose the nature of our relationship. Because scriptural conflicts and religion were greater concerns for me, these issues troubled me more; but we each continued on some level to struggle with our sexuality as we moved to our present home state and each began our careers in “the Work.”

A breakthrough came on the concerns which most troubled me when dear friend, Larry Hallock, with his understanding of Greek and scriptures prepared and shared his own coming-out story with his family. His essay of 1975 or 1976 was the first I’d read, which suggested interpretations for those texts other than the condemning interpretations I’d learned.

The rest, as they say, was downhill because at about that time books on the subject became common. During our college days, there was nothing on the subject in the college library other than a very old medical book, which described homosexuality as an illness. As books became readily available, I read everything I could find and became convinced our sexuality and loving expression of it within our committed relationship was perfectly right and moral for us.

In summary, our coming-out process began with personal acceptance, continued through sharing among close friends and acquaintances, then with family members—both families—who have been highly supportive, and ultimately generally to almost everyone in almost every situation. As I’ve often said (quoting Kinship writer, Bob Holland), “Although we don’t always choose to disclose our orientation, we no longer fear its discovery.”

THE STUFF OF LIVING

We consider our life to be very similar to anyone else’s. We work, decorate, renovate, recreate, garden, volunteer, vacation, entertain, and parent puppies and kitties. In short, we live. We do the same things of living you do. We do the same things of living our neighbors do.

Career/Finance: Home ownership began for us in 1975. We believe this kind of intermingling of financial and day-to-day property responsibility is important to relationship permanency, particularly for same-sex couples. Because we have no other legal obligation to remain in relationship, a mutually shared financial responsibility can create an additional reason not to bail if things get tough. Since whatever problems we may have would likely be carried into another partnership, it has always seemed preferable to us to work through issues than to bail.

We each ultimately left denominational employment and feel much better for having done so. Presently, we have our own business and consider ourselves to be semi-retired while enjoying our work and needing to work to prepare for senior years!

Problems: Every relationship has them. Ours is no exception. Fortunately, we have worked through all concerns, which have surfaced so far! Some issues have been significant, others better fit a “misunderstanding” category. In every circumstance of conflict, we are committed to talking things through carefully while remembering two guidelines: 1) we are permanently committed to each other and to our relationship; and 2) our bottom line is, we love each other. Parting ways is not an option, and so far neither of us has wanted to do that.

Sexuality: Yes, even women in their 50s (we are 55 and 54 at the time of this writing) enjoy those exquisite intimate expressions of love. If we ever lose the need/desire/capacity, we’ll let you know. I’ve always been curious about this aspect of aging, so I suppose you may be, too. But don’t expect to be hearing from us!

We wish for every one of you the depth of joy we’ve shared all these years.

Vickie Shelton is a pseudonym.