“Flying Without Wings” (Westlife)

By Gary K. Stebbeds

It happened on the trip to my first Kampmeeting—the second Kampmeeting of Kinship. I could not attend the first one.

Two of the women that I worked with at the phone company kept bugging me until I sent in my reservation, and they paid for my cost of Kampmeeting that year. Then they kept on me until I purchased my plane ticket. When it came time to go to the airport, they asked our boss if they could go to the airport to see me off, as I had no family to go with me. He said sure. They came to make sure I got on the plane. They knew about my being gay, and that the Kampmeeting was a GLBTI event. They also felt that I had to go, and they made sure that I was on my way.

This was when President Reagan had fired the air controllers. My flight left Rhinelander, Wisconsin, for Green Bay, Wisconsin. I changed planes there, and flew to Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Changed planes again and flew to Las Vegas. On the leg to Las Vegas, we were zig-zagging through the desert, trying to avoid this in air flight, and that one. It was a real mess.

It was on this portion of the flight that I started having a real guilt trip about my being gay, remembering what I had been taught from my earliest memories. I was convinced that I was wrong, and needed to change, and here I was going to a GLBTI Kampmeeting. I was trying to study my Bible, couldn’t concentrate on it, and so I silently prayed that since I was in a saved relationship and that if by going any further, I would be wrong and lose my salvation, I asked God to end my life. Crash the plane, give me a heart attack, whatever it took to end my life. Or give me assurance that being gay was okay and to also give me some peace.

It was at that moment that what felt like an electrical shock started at my head, went through my entire body, and out through my feet—and such a peace came over me. I had never had such a wonderful feeling of peace prior to that time, nor since. At that point I knew it was in God’s plan that it is okay to be gay, as this is how I am made, and it is God’s plan for me. I would like to add, that anyone who says that it is not okay is going against God’s will.

Gary K. Stebbeds is his real name.