“Prayer”

I am a Seventh-day Adventist and a lesbian—the first by choice, the latter by birth. I am not ashamed of nor apologetic for either aspect of who I am. Not anymore.

I spent well over two decades of my adult life not knowing, but always wondering, if there was anyone else in the world like me. I was a typical product of traditional Adventist heritage and culture, unquestionably assuming a belief that anyone who indulged in same-gender sexual activity would not enter the Holy City and eat from the Tree of Life. And yet, deep inside, I was well aware of the compelling strength of my desire to experience the forbidden pleasures I allowed in only my most secret fantasies. I knew that if I could “do it” for real just once before I died–as long as I didn’t die while doing it—I could always ask God’s forgiveness and still be saved and go to heaven.

Perhaps, I rationalized, by “doing it” I would “get over it.” Perhaps the stark reality of experiencing fulfillment of my clandestine passion would be so utterly repulsive that I’d never even think about wanting “it” again. Or perhaps it was my God-given duty to fall into degradation—at least once—and then repent, so that I could effectively “minister” to others in my “condition.” If only I could “do it”—just once in my lifetime.

Little did I know God would indeed call me to a real ministry for Adventist gays and lesbians—a ministry just as real as the Sabbath school teaching, the Pathfinder leadership, the homeschooling and health reform and musical services I provided for well over three decades within the Adventist congregations that I was always so much an active part of. But my present ministry bears no agenda other than showing and sharing God’s unconditional love.

–Juliana Harvard, Editor