“On Eagles’ Wings”

Anonymous

This past weekend I probably have slipped to the lowest ebb in my life, but I’m coming up. My life has been one unusual experience after another.

Ten years ago I was working for the denomination, was married to a wonderful lady (but not in love with her), and I was in love with Mike. Mike and I had two and a half years of wonderful life. Yes, there were difficulties that finally ended in my leaving the relationship, and I went back into my “perfect family situation.” No one ever knew! It was a stormy breakup, but Mike and I loved each other even in the separation. He went to his mom, and I went into hiding my feelings in my church work.

I broke off complete contact three years ago. This past Sunday morning Mike’s mom called me to let me know he committed suicide Friday night. Mike and I had this thing on keeping the Sabbath: candlelight dinner, a lot of hugging, reading to each other, music that gave us both a spiritual high together. I never knew it, but Mike (not an Adventist) got his mom into the same Friday night mode for the past seven years. On Friday night, she was setting the table, and he put the music on and went into his bedroom and ended his life.

Mike’s dad came down from The City and they had him cremated. Sunday morning they found a letter to me in his room with my current phone number and called! Mike and I had planned to live together forever and die together, so we bought this urn eight years ago for our ashes to be mixed together and sprinkled in the river. Mike’s mom is keeping the urn and his ashes for me. He told his parents that I was the only one who loved him. I found out Sunday his big secret that tore us apart! He had been abused by his dad.

These last two days I think I have been in hell, if it weren’t for two people on KinNet who have been lifesavers. You see, I joined KinNet about a month ago.

I still blame myself for Mike’s death and can accept part of it, but after crying about five hours in the dark tonight my stereo came on in the lightning storm. This is the miracle—I never play the cassette, only my son when he was here three weeks ago—and my Father turned it on just when I needed it the most. Here are the words from the chorus of “Hope”—the only song on the cassette:

“Hope you in the Lord and renew your strength
Soar you up on eagles’ wings
Tirelessly run the long race that’s set before you
Your life’s a song the Father sings.

“Hope that you can see is really no hope at all
And like children who see faces in the clouds
We hopefully listen to the silence of life
And find that it is shouting out loud.

“Though your life may seem to sound a dark and minor key
It will someday shift itself to major
And the lyric of your life will rhyme
With nothing less than joy,
And you’ll know that hope is from
The One that you believe.”

You see, my favorite song is “On Eagles’ Wings”—only God knows that! But He played this for me. Now maybe I can sleep! Shalom.

Anonymous